i thoroughly enjoy this song.

rooney

i don't need your sun anymore

because baby i'm making my own sunshine

and there hasn't been a cloudy day since you've left.

burning man

To go to this festival would be a dream come true.

I've always been fascinated with the desert and the lifestyles that have emerged from the desert.

This festival is really really RADICAL! All of the ideas are just baffling to me, but it's awesome!

The first thing that the community of Black Rock City do that amazed me is a "gifting" economy. Nothing is allowed to be bought or sold or even bartered! It's all about giving without the intent of receiving. This idea is just crazy to me, but it would make for a very interesting week.

The second is the idea of "leaving no trace" and this means, no trash, no ashes, no bodily matter, NOTHING can be left behind. I feel like that would be a major challenge but also an awesome one, if you really think about all of the objects we leave behind when we go to places, it's crazy, so the idea of not leaving any trash or anything of that matter is crazy. It's like you were never even there.

I love the idea of extreme freedom of expression. I love all these ideas but I don't think I'm mentally or physically ready for Burning Man. Maybe one day I will make the pilgrimage to Black Rock City and experience the eye opening world of Burning Man. But for now I can only imagine, take the ideals of the festival with me and dress as I am a participant of the festival itself.

And no, I don't mean crazy costumes, naked-ness, or extreme oddity. I mean embracing cut off shorts, woven vests, denim, rock n' roll t shirts, glitter, feathers, turquoise, leather, aztec prints and anything handmade or vintage.

Something somewhat like Ke$ha wears in the "Your Love is My Drug" video. I feel like that style would go over well at Burning Man.

Something tribal, something glittery, something whimsical and torn. It's a perfect carefree summer look for a girl like me,

who just wants to go and go and go and feel in the moment for as long as she can. Summer is upon us, I need to begin

embracing it.

As for my summer being embraced, I also need to embrace my artistic endeavors and fashion challenges.

Find an aztec print dress/skirt.

Finish an art piece.

Write a poem.

Get tan.

On a commercial, totally typical suburban teenager route, I am waiting for the MTV Movie Awards to start so I can laugh in the

comedy of my favorite comedian of the moment, Aziz Ansari. And because I just love the fashion, the glitz and of course the glamour.

I am old hollywood with a radical brain.

Guten Nacht

nothing profound today.

My summer is getting better.

At first it really sucked but I've come to terms with a lot of things, I'm not going to get a job. I just need to accept it. Stupid economy.

But instead of letting the economy bring me down, I'm going to do a lot of "finding myself" again this summer and music listening, tanning, concert going, being with friends-ing.

It's nice. I like, I like.

Summer is about shedding the weight of the school year right? So that's what I intend on doing. Positive thoughts, positive thoughts.

OH! and a lot more positive lists!

Book Wish List (because I want nothing more than to sit at the pool and read all day)

1. Yoga Anatomy- Leslie Kaminoff

2. Dear John - Nicholas Sparks

3. Burned - P.C Cast

4. Tell All- Chuck Palahniuk

5. Will Grayson, Will Grayson - John Green and David Levithan

and I made a CD, I like it, so here's the track listing. I'm a little all over the place with my music taste, but what sounds good, is danceable, sing-a-long-able (?), and makes me happy is just wonderful to me. I tend to bounce around genre's. Right now I like electronic sounding music, and country, and chill rock (The Black Keys, Vampire Weekend, Muse).

1. Holiday - Vampire Weekend

2. Summer House - Gold Motel (My favorite band of the moment!)

3. King of Anything - Sara Barielles

4. Love Like Woe - The Ready Set

5. You Look Better When I'm Drunk - The White Tie Affair

6. I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor - The Arctic Monkeys

7. Whataya Want From Me - Adam Lambert

8. Loser - Beck

9. Billionaire - Travie McCoy (Who is actually doing some awesome things with his solo project)

10. Cooler Than Me - Mike Posner

11. DARE - Gorillaz (James has me hooked on them... don't ask me why I wasn't into them when they were first popular)

12. Gettin' Over You - David Guetta (Justin and I are obsessed)

13. Bulletproof - La Roux

14. OMG (ft. Will I AM) - Usher

15. Be The One - The Ting Tings

16. Water - Brad Paisley

17. Crazy Town - Jason Aldean

18. Pray For You - Jaron and the Long Road to Love (I love the bittersweet lyrics. It's like saying, I really hate you, but I'll say it nicely)

19. Neutron Star Collision (Love is Forever) - Muse (Yes, its from Twilight, but its also MUSE! and I love Muse!)

20. You're So Last Summer - Taking Back Sunday (Oldie, but a goodie)

Well, that's pretty much it for today. I'm headed to a barbeque to get some sun in, then to the drive in with my friends. Craziness and a good time is sure to ensue. Smiles all around. :]

Well hello there stranger....

Wow, it's summer! SUMMER! I haven't even written in this thing since last summer and my oh my is the scenary different.

it's beautiful.

this blog was once a cry out for attention from a sad insecure girl who only wanted stupid silly things.

that girl is gone.

senior year has completely changed who i am as a person, and i really don't feel like going into deep thought about how i've changed, because as i start writing in this more, perhaps you will see a change in me as well.

All the monumental things are over, the germans came and went, i got into college, prom happened, parties happened, turning 18 happened.

So here's a summary, I'm going to Western Michigan University next year. Majoring in who knows what.

Germans, i miss and love them, my life will never be the same.

Parties, they all mash together and just become a blur to me, they aren't really satisfying me anymore.

Prom, awesome, i love my friends, i love dancing, it was everything i wasn't expecting but it was everything i didn't know i wanted.

I graduate high school in seven days. it's a really wonderful feeling, but also extremely unsettling.

I'm ready to move on with my life. High school had it's ups and downs, I'm over it.

Basically my life is a growing list that just keeps going. So here goes....

What I Would Love to Do Over the Summer:

1. Read a plethora of books that I actually want to read as opposed to required energy.

2. Tan, just get tan.

3. Spend as much time as possible outside.

4. My new invention, urban. hiking.

5. Wear a dress once a week, I can be just as fabulous as Carrie Bradshaw, it will just take a little bit of work.

6. Learn to cook some delicious recipes.

7. Of course, loose weight, it's always on the list.

8. Eat at places and do things in Rochester that I haven't done yet.

9. Concerts, concerts, concerts....

10. Cut hair, get doubles, get tattoo.

There will be more to come. I'm in limbo with my life right now with only a faint direction of where I'm going, so I'm pretty sure you can expect a couple really hopeful blogs in the future.

this blog makes me laugh....

but when noone answers texts or calls when im having a deep moment i take to this thing because its an outlet, and a conversation starter XD

i really wish disney movies were real
i wish i could believe in prince charmings and fairytales, and happy endings
where the bad guys always loose
where there is even a little bit of good in everyone
where even if someone leaves you they always come back in the end
where in the end everyone can smile and laugh at the silly twists in the plot as they look into the future.

but it doesnt always work that way
people lie, cheat, steal, betray, leave, and die.
some lie not only to themselves but their loved ones
some cheat not only others, but themselves
some steal just because they can
people will betray you to get ahead
friends, family, and lovers will leave
and eventually we will all die.


but it got me thinking, why can't we at least strive to see the world through "disney eyes"
why cant we believe in prince charmings, happy endings, and love?
what is stopping us from being the best people we can be?
what is stopping us from saying kind words, loving without consequence, and trusting what our hearts tell us?
yes, the real world, is a cruel place, and most go out into it with a negative attitude. and we DO have lots of real world things to be afraid of.
but why can't we start each day just purely believing in the good in each other?
of course there are the murderers, the liars, the cheaters, the backstabbers, the rapists.
but are we really that skeptical and tainted and close minded to go out into the world sheltered and afraid of miniscule possibillities? (here comes the skeptics chiming in with their facts on rape and murder, lets think outside of pure logic and reason here, we arn't vulcans.)

i want to just believe! for so long ive been so skeptical and cautious and scared to just love! not romantically, but just in general, to show how passionate i am about well, everything!
i want to believe in the good of every person
i want to believe in prince charmings and happy endings
i want to smile just because i can
i want to take advantage of every single waking second i have left on this earth, because only god know how much time i have left.
i want to love freely, undeniably, unconditionally, passionately, and happily.
for everyone in the world. everyone i meet, i wish them the best. no matter what
because everyone deserves their own happy ending.

before the storm = <3

No, this isn't what I wanted
I never thought it'd come this far
I was thinking back to where we started
And how we lost all that we are
We were young and times were easy
But I could see it's not the same

I'm standing here
But you don't see me
I'd give it all for that to change
And I don't want to lose her
I don't want to let her go

Standing out in the rain
Need to know if it's over
'Cause I would leave you alone
Flooded with all this pain
Knowing that I'll never hold her
Like I did before the storm, yeah
Before the storm

With every strike of lightning
Comes a memory that lasts
And not a word is left unspoken
As the thunder starts to crash
Maybe I should give up

Standing out in the rain
Need to know if it's over
'Cause I would leave you alone
Flooded with all this pain
Knowing that I'll never hold her
Like I did before the storm

Trying to keep
The light from going out
And the clouds
From ripping out my broken heart
They always say
A heart is not a home
Without the one
Who gets you through the storm

Standing out in the rain
Knowing that it's really over
Please don't leave me alone
I'm flooded with all this pain
Knowing that I'll never hold you
Like I did before the storm, yeah
Like I did before the storm